Gahhhhh… I can’t believe I’m even writing this post. Two weeks ago, I turned in my two weeks notice. *cue a blank stare and nervously laughing* hahahah yup!!! I’ve worked in PR the last two years at a wonderful PR firm in Lubbock but I’ve decided to end (or pause) that chapter of my life for now.
Today is my last day at my job in PR. After almost four years of grinding to get AMS to where I want it, running this blog as a side income along with interning, going to college full time, working part time, then full time, etc. It’s been an exhausting but FULFILLING four years.
I’ve battled with the “what if” thought for about 8 months now. The “what if” I was doing my blog full time… would it be growing more? Would I have more time to interact with the awesome girls that follow me? Would I be able to share more things and post more? Could I make it a full time income? These questions have kept me up almost every night the last 8 months. I stayed with my job in PR because 1. I love the office environment 2. My boss is awesome and VERY flexible with some of my needs that come along with having my blog and 3. I loved having two incomes. duh. haha
The “What-if’s” took over my mind
But….I’m 22, and I’ve had a job since 15. I love money… don’t we all? And I love hustling. I like to be so busy I don’t have time to think. But after four years of this, I’m exhausted and I’m drained. There are days where I’m like alright…. it’s time to either let the blog go and just maybe post on weekends or when you’re bored but stop putting yourself through the pressure of balancing two full time jobs OR freaking go for it audrey. Lol my thought process has been crazy the last few months.
To me, I felt silly for thinking I could just give my blog try full time. I mean, I am only 22, my parents taught me to hustle and save. Why would I risk this now when I should be saving for my future, saving for my wedding, future children, etc.? I kept pushing this thought to the side and thinking “Well maybe in like 5 years….”
I’m Taking a Leap of Faith on Myself…. for myself
A few weeks ago, something just came over me and I think I had been waiting for that point. I have been praying about this for months and have prayed for the lord to just help me find clarity on this space and if I should give it a try full-time. Like I said, two incomes is nice. I’ve been able to save and spend as I please and not to mention in 10 months, I’m getting married and my fiance and I will have so many more expenses than we already do. So to me, I loved my two incomes and also have ALWAYS had a job because I’d rather grind now and save than later.
But I reached that point a few weeks ago where I was like “I.am.so.tired. and I’m tired of the “what ifs” I’ve done so well with balancing so much over the years, it’s time to give myself and my blog what it deserves. I got to that point where I was honestly kind of like “screw it”….. if I fail, I fail. If I go through my savings, I do. If I succeed, AMAZING this was God’s plan for me. I’ve been praying about this so much and have felt so called to just give my blog this chance.
I’m not afraid to tell y’all I’ve worked my little butt off the last four years. I turned my hobby into a business, graduated EARLY, worked two jobs to be able to shop as much as I love… I pride myself on the fact that I like to grind. I like to be busy, and I like going after what I want. But I also get tired of wondering what my potential and what this blogs potential could be if I gave it my all, everyday.
I’m going full-time with my blog
I was definitely a little scared of taking it full time and sharing that I was because what if it doesn’t fulfill me like I thought? What if I get lonely being home all day? What if I don’t make the income I need and have to go back to a full time job in a corporate world? I’ll have to accept that I failed but that I tried. Like I said, I’m OVER my what-ifs in my head. Over it. I’m taking this chance on myself and I’m fully prepared to fail a little, but hopefully succeed.
To be honest, I don’t have much of a plan. I have a BUNCH of ideas but that’s it. I’m truly just jumping into this and hoping for the best because I’d rather do it now than later and take this leap of faith on myself while I have the courage. Who knows, I may get money hungry and be back looking for a job in 4 months. LOL just being honest.
I will say, today is going to be freaking hard, as I close out a wonderful chapter at the office I’ve been at. My boss has been so encouraging and such an incredible positive reinforcement that I’ve got this. My fiancè has told me I can do this the last year. And my parents…. weren’t too happy about it at first, but now they’ve warmed up to it and tell me everyday how much I’m gonna rock it. There’s NOTHING better than feeling that confidence once your parents know you can do it haha. But I’m definitely a little scared. I think any entrepreneur or business owner gets a little scared taking a leap of faith on themselves and their business. Although, I’m WAY more excited and driven than I am scared.
My Main Fear
My biggest fear is that I’ll get lonely and also that people will judge that I am doing this full time. A lot of people don’t understand the amount of hours and hard work that goes into this. It’s not just posting to IG and taking pictures of my outfits. It’s SO much more and it’s a space that’s meant to make others feel good and relatable. My goal this year is to stop caring about what others think so I’ve let it go that people will probably wonder what I’m actually doing haha. But I’m ready to treat this space like an 8-5 and give it my all.
I think it’s important to create plans, structure, and prepare for your future. I also think it’s important to know when it’s time to give something else a chance. For me, it’s time I take this leap of faith on myself and see what comes of it. I’ve prepared for it over the years and it’s just time. My dad always taught me to work hard but he also taught me to never live my life in fear. While it’s hard not to have fears about this job, I love it too much not to give it this chance.
Thank you for reading, letting me vent and share my life. You’ll be seeing WAY more of me now haha but I’m so excited and ready to FINALLY have the time to curate awesome new things for y’all with nothing but the best intentions. Your support has always been appreciated but it’s definitely VERY appreciated now more than ever as I take this scary jump, and leap of faith on myself. LOVE YOU LOTS!